Random musings on "The Bachelor" and "cancel culture"

 I don't watch "The Bachelor".  I never have.  Apparently, this show in its 25th season.  All of the commercials I've seen for the show feature all white contestants with its token woman of color (or man of color if it's "The Bachelorette").  I'm not interested in a show that clearly excludes people.  

But I felt compelled to weigh in on the recent scandal involving Chris Harrison, the host of the show.  The current season features Matt James, a Black man, as the Bachelor.  One of the contestants is Rachael Kirkconnell, who was found to have attended a Southern Antebellum party when she was in college.  This party was thrown by the fraternity Kappa Alpha which is known as racist due to its embrace of Confederate General Robert E. Lee as its "spiritual leader".  This Southern fraternity throws this annual bash on a plantation and decorates with Confederate flags.

Rachael has also liked racist social media posts in the past.

When the photos of Kirkconnell came to light, Rachel Lindsay, a former Bachelorette who is Black, interviewed Harrison to talk about the scandal. And while Lindsay tried to explain the offensiveness of the party that Kirkconnell attended, Harrison hemmed and hawed and tried to justify Kirkconnell's actions as that of a young girl simply attending a party, and then bringing up the "woke police".  His cluelessness about how offensive this was sparked a huge backlash, and he ultimately stepped away from his hosting duties.  Emmanuel Acho will now be hosting the final Rose Ceremony (whatever that is--again I don't watch).

Kirkconnell has also apologized for her behavior, as has Harrison.  But what is disturbing is the backlash that Lindsay has endured.  Because Lindsay spoke out, resulting in Harrison's stepping down, she has received hateful attacks on her Instagram account, forcing her to delete her account.  Many have come to her defense.  But what does that say about our society?  A woman stands up against hatred, and people are upset about it.  What does that say about those people?

(Note:  I see this happening in our community of Des Moines.  A local seafood restaurant, Wally's Chowder House, for years had ties to the Proud Boys.  The owner's son is a Proud Boy, as was another employee, and meetings were held at the restaurant.  Many of us protested this online and called for boycotting the restaurant, not only because of the ties to a hate group, but because there was evidence of the owner herself making anti-Semitic, homophobic and Islamophobic comments on Twitter.  Yet people in the community, rather than supporting the boycott, called us "haters".  We were calling out hate, and in turn, they were so upset with us, that they gaslighted us and called US "haters".  The son has since been arrested for leading the Proud Boys in the January 6th insurrection at the Capitol, yet these people still defend Wally's.)

So let's talk about cancel culture.  Some, mostly on the right, are upset about so-called "cancel culture".  Frankly, I call it accountability.  I call it consequences.  Chris Harrison is a middle-aged man who is in the public eye.  He should have known better.  If he is going to go through life not educating himself about racism, and then say something stupid in front of millions of people, then he's going to have to face the consequences.  Too many people think they can just spout off their uneducated views about racism thinking that they can get away with saying anything they want.  Think about Megan Kelly when she made that comment about blackface on NBC.  That was the end of her career on NBC.  She embarrassed herself, and ended up having to not only apologize, but then be educated in front of millions on the history of blackface.  My God, was this woman that stupid to not realize how offensive blackface is?  Again, if you're not going to educate yourself on these issues, be prepared to suffer the consequences.  

(Note:  It's the same with Wally's.  Some are upset that we are asking for a boycott and that people keep bringing it up.  We feel that people coming to our community have a right to know the history of this restaurant and then make their decision as to whether they want to give their hard-earned money to a business that has had ties to terrorism.  Call it cancel culture if you want.  We call it accountability.  You support terrorism, you suffer the consequences.)

That's my two cents.

 

Yet another encounter with white fragility--does it ever end?

First of all, if you don't know what white fragility is, here is a short lesson.  Please watch, otherwise, you really won't understand this blog post.

I have spoken for many years about how I've encountered white fragility in my life.  Discussions about racism with most white people are often fraught with tension because most white people haven't engaged in years of sustained study, struggle and focus on the topic of racism so their opinions on this topic are necessarily very limited and uninformed, yet they feel as if they can whitesplain to me about MY experience as a person of color.  They insist on tone policing me and dictating the manner in which we communicate so THEY are comfortable.  Again, it's all about their inability to bear witness to the pain of racism on people of color, and the pain THEY'VE caused on people of color.  It's insulting as hell and frankly I'm no longer going to engage with these people about race/racism because I really don't need that kind of stress and bullshit in my life. I'm not here to educate them--they can educate themselves, just as other woke white people have educated themselves--shout out to Robin DiAngelo, Terri Kempton, Layla Tromble and all others who have done and are still doing the work.

So here's what happened.  I was going to a salon in Normandy Park called Mia Bella Salon.  I liked them, thought the owner, Laura, was nice, and I thought she did a good job.  Never got any kind of bad vibe from her.  We became Facebook friends.  I'd been going for about a year.  Then just last weekend I called to make an appointment for a color.  Left a message on a Friday morning.  No response.  Weird, because typically she responds pretty immediately.  Called again in the afternoon.  Again no answer.  Called Saturday morning.  No answer.  Now I'm really thinking something is going on.  In fact, I began to suspect she was avoiding me and I actually considered calling from my daughter's cell phone to see if she'd pick up, but decided against it.

I looked at her Facebook profile and saw that she'd posted something on Friday afternoon.  Something to the effect of "Yes, I'm a kind person, but watch out if you cross the line too many times."  Didn't think much of it at the time, but after I thought about it and started exploring her Facebook profile a bit more, that message was definitely a passive aggressive post meant for me.

It's no secret I can't stand Donald Trump--I think he is one of the most dangerous people on the planet right now.  I also have made no bones about the fact that I feel the people that voted for him were complicit in what has happened to our country because they KNEW the type of person he was--a racist, sexist, xenophobic liar, yet they voted for him anyway.

I also strongly believe that our country was founded upon white supremacy--not simply the KKK, Aryan Nations, violent type of white supremacy, but the belief that white people are superior, that whiteness is valued over anything else, and that has been borne out in our laws over our entire history--to wit, slavery, the Chinese Exclusion Act, Japanese Internment Camps, Jim Crow Laws, the War on Drugs, the separation of Hispanic children from their parents at the border, the ban on travel from certain Muslim countries.

And since I've been posting about my feelings regarding these issues, apparently that triggered Laura's white fragility because she refused to return my phone calls. She follows conservative people who align themselves with Trump, and conservative news outlets who are anti-liberal.

So a couple of things:  If you're outspoken about your views, like I am, be prepared to be discriminated against by conservative Christian Trump supporters.  White fragility is alive and well. And don't patronize Mia Bella Salon.

I don't know this country anymore.

I started this blog years ago in the midst of Hurricane Katrina.  I was so upset about what was happening and I had to get my anger out somewhere, so I started writing about it.  My first post was on September 2, 2005.  Almost 13 years of posting--mostly about racial issues.  NEVER would I have thought it would have gotten as bad as this.  I thought Bush was bad, but compared to who is in the White House now, Bush looks exemplary, and I never thought I would say that.

I'm probably going to ramble but I have so many thoughts about what got us to this place.  For one, the racism and white supremacy that America has been built upon has always been there. Some white people want to say, "But oh, it's gotten sooo much better."  Bullshit.  Maybe for those of you who never have to fucking deal with it.  I am SICK of people saying "I don't see color."  Do you know how IGNORANT you sound?  I am SICK of people saying they are NOT racist, yet they DON'T SPEAK UP when their in-laws say racist shit.  If you don't speak up EVERY SINGLE TIME, then you are a coward who is complicit in furthering white supremacy.  You are putting your comfort and your relationships with white people ahead of the humanity of people of color by allowing them to put down people of color and not saying anything.  You are complicit in maintaining the status quo.

I don't understand people of color who voted for Donald Trump.  Is that some kind of internalized racism?  I don't understand white people who have people of color in their family who voted for Donald Trump.  Donald Trump is a straight up racist.  If you voted for Donald Trump, you knew he was a racist, therefore you supported his racism, which makes you a racist.  It's as simple as that.  If you hated Hillary Clinton, I don't care, but you didn't have to vote for a racist, sexist, misogynistic, lying, xenophobic bigot like Trump.  You knew what he was and voted for him anyway.  So that makes you responsible for the mess we're in now.

Trump will be forever defined as the one (I will NEVER refer to him as the POTUS) who traumatized infants and children and used them as pawns.  He will NEVER live this down.  And everyone around him who defends this will also pay the price. Some say that this time he crossed the line.  I believe he crossed the line a long time ago with his ridiculous birtherism accusations.  Yet the uneducated deplorables of this country felt he represented them (he actually doesn't give a flying fuck about them--he just likes the adulation, but they don't know any better).

Now the racists and bigots have come out from under their rocks and everyday you read about a person of color being harassed by some white loser who is unhinged.  It's already happened to me four times.  These people blame their lack of success on people of color, they're so threatened by successful people of color, they hate immigrants, they say immigrants are taking their jobs--okay, then if you're not willing to educate yourself, then go work in the fields, clean hotel rooms, but oh no, you're too good for that, huh?  These losers make me sick.  It's not surprising that most of the white college educated people voted for Clinton.

And for those of you who live in oblivion, happily living your lives, not worried about anything because you think it doesn't affect you, well, I hope that one day someone doesn't take away your rights.  You're living in a bubble, so don't say I didn't warn you if that bubble is popped some day.  I guess ignorance is bliss.

GOP Leaders Reveal Their True Colors

Since the latest bombshell that dropped last Friday in which Donald Trump bragged to Billy Bush during a break from "Access Hollywood" that he could grab women's genitals because he was a star (although he used much cruder language), there has been a mass exodus of Republican leaders who have either unendorsed or distanced themselves from Trump.  Paul Ryan has finally decided to no longer defend Trump (although he still endorses him).  Several Republican leaders have come out and endorsed Hillary Clinton.  Polls have shown that the likelihood that Clinton will be elected POTUS is widening and many pundits believe this election is effectively over.

Here is a question though.  Why is it just NOW that many of these leaders are dropping Trump like a hot potato?  Why are they so shocked at this behavior?  He has been shown to be this kind of person for a year now (actually, most of his adult life).  But just take a look at how he came into politics.  He falsely accused President Obama of not being born in the United States, and wouldn't let that go for years.  And although most Republicans knew that was ridiculous, they didn't forcefully go after Trump and disavow those statements.

When he announced his candidacy, he stated that Mexicans who immigrated here were murders and rapists.  Yet that still wasn't enough for Republicans to disavow him.

Then he announced that if he were elected President, he would ban all Muslims from entering the country.  Still, the Republican leadership, while uncomfortable with this rhetoric, still stood behind him.

When asked if he disavowed David Duke and the KKK, he claimed to not know who David Duke was and not know anything about white supremacist groups.  That should have been disqualifying right there.  But it wasn't.

Then Trump made disparaging statements about Judge Curiel, saying that he could not be impartial because he was Hispanic and his parents were from Mexico, implying that somehow he would automatically be biased.  Again, the Republican leadership was quick to criticize the comments, but still stood behind Trump.

After the Democratic National Convention, Trump criticized a Goldstar family, the Kahn family, who had lost their son, Capt. Humayan Kahn, in the Iraq War.  Trump implied that Mrs. Kahn wasn't speaking because perhaps she wasn't allowed to (because she was Muslim).  The public was up in arms about this, Republican leaders were aghast, yet they STILL stood behind Trump.

Trump goes to a mostly white rally and talks about how African-American and Latino lives are "hell" and says "What do you have to lose?" by voting for him.  Crickets from the Republican leadership.

After the first debate, it was revealed that when Trump owned the Miss Universe Pageant, he called Alicia Machado, then Miss Universe, "Miss Piggy" (because she had gained some weight) and "Miss Housekeeping" (because she was Latina).  Women everywhere were absolutely disgusted.  Yet still the Republican leadership defended Trump.

It wasn't until this final straw last Friday, the bragging about the sexual assault (presumably of white women) that many of the white men in the Republican leadership had had it.  Perhaps they didn't empathize with the previous disqualifying behaviors that Trump displayed.  Was it not enough when Trump said all those things about people of color and Muslims?  It appears that only when your own lives were touched, when it was about YOUR wives, YOUR mothers, YOUR daughters that you finally were moved to act.

This shows the GOP's true colors.  Republican leaders care only about themselves.  They don't give a damn about anyone else.  If they did, they would have stopped supporting Trump a long time ago.

What has our society come to?

This has been a very difficult week for our country.  First, we heard that Alton Sterling, an African-American man, was wrestled to the ground by two police officers then shot in the chest four times.  A bystander shot video of this, and other video showed that Sterling was unarmed at the moment he was shot.  Just a day later, Philando Castile, a cafeteria supervisor with no criminal record, was shot after a traffic stop for a broken taillight.  The horrific aftermath of the shooting was live streamed by his girlfriend.  First of all, when the police officer approached the car, he asked them to keep their hands up.  (Why?  I have NEVER been asked to keep my hands up when I've been stopped by the police.  NEVER!!!!!!!!)  Then he asked for Castile's license and registration.  Castile informed the officer that he had a firearm but was licensed to carry, and that he was just getting his wallet.  The officer said put your hands up, and when Castile did, the officer shot him.  What the fuck?!?!  In front of his girlfriend and his four-year-old daughter!  They are going to be traumatized for the rest of their lives!  This is murder!

People protested all over the country against what again is the unjustified killing of black people.  The Dallas Police Department, which by all accounts is a great department with a good relationship with the community, was there among the protesters, taking pictures with the people.  It was, by all accounts, a peaceful protest.  Then the unthinkable happened. A lone shooter with a rifle gunned down 11 police officers in a rampage of bullets, killing 5 and injuring 6.  One civilian was also injured.  He was despicable.  He wanted to kill white people, in particular, white officers.  There are those who want to link him to the Black Lives Matter movement, but in fact he was not part of that movement.  The Black Lives Matter movement is not about murdering police officers.  It's about justice and equitable treatment.  In fact, even some conservative media is beginning just now to realize that.  But not all.  And certainly, not all hearts and minds are there yet.

The bottom line is that as a society, we fear black people.  There is a stereotype that black people aren't to be trusted.  That they're scary.  Dangerous.  Why else do white people admit that they cross the street or hold on more tightly to their purse when they encounter a black person?  Why else do they say that it's not okay for black males to wear hoodies because of the perception of being a thug, but it's okay for white males?  Why else do white people call Richard Sherman, a Stanford graduate, a thug when he gets emotional on camera, yet Donald Trump who has said far worse things repeatedly, is the presumptive GOP presidential nominee?  Why else do white people call schools that have a large number of black and brown faces "ghetto" and "dangerous" when there is no evidence that they are either of those things?

Earlier this week, I wrote an article about institutionalized racism, white privilege and white fragility that was published in the Seattle Times.  Not surprisingly, I received a lot of hateful comments from professional right-wing trolls who called me "racist" and "loony".  They invited me to leave the country if I didn't like it here.  They equated the terms "white privilege" and "white fragility" with racial epithets.  And they criticized me, the Seattle Times and higher education for indoctrinating students with "lefty drivel".

The thing is, everything they did proved my point.  Their defensiveness was the ultimate in white fragility.  Everything that happened this week showed that black men are killed by police for no apparent reason.  The fact that the NRA has  yet to speak out about Castile's case (he had a concealed carry permit) speaks volumes about the fact that the NRA has a connection to a white racial identity (i.e. if you're a white gun owner you're a patriot, if you're a black gun owner, you're a thug).

I have gotten to the point that some of my friends have gotten to.  No coddling anymore.  No tiptoeing around the issues.  As long as people think they can get away with maintaining the status quo, they're going to do it.  Well, it's not going to happen around me.  Just saying.  It's not okay.  The status quo is not good enough anymore.

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Privilege and intersectionality

One thing that is always difficult to do is to explain white privilege to a white person who is broke.  I had a student who grew up poor, was raised by a single father who beat her, and who spent six years homeless.  She wasn't popular in high school and saw a lot of the black kids as the "cool" kids.  So when she took my class and had to watch a video about white privilege, I could understand why she was angry.  She couldn't see any "privilege" in her life and all that she could hear is people trying to make her feel guilty about being white.

The ability to understand white privilege really requires the ability to see things from a larger perspective; however, that is difficult to do when one's lived experience is such that everything else is stacked against them.  If people don't hold class privilege or educational privilege, it's extremely difficult to see the privileges they hold by virtue of their skin color when they see people of color who are in a higher socioeconomic class or who are better educated living more productive, more comfortable lives than them.

Intersectionality is the overlapping advantages and disadvantages that people have in their lives.  People may be advantaged in several areas but disadvantaged in others.  For example, a man may be white, a college-educated lawyer, blind, and gay.  Although he is advantaged in terms of gender, skin color, education and class, he is disadvantaged in terms of ability and sexual orientation.  A woman of color who is also a college-educated lawyer but able-bodied and heterosexual doesn't have the same advantages of gender and race, but is definitely advantaged by her sight and her sexual orientation.

So it's important that we talk about the many privileges that do exist.  Class privilege is definitely one that does exist, and often times it trumps white privilege.  A person of color from the upper class more than likely has the connections and the access to better job opportunities than a low income white person.  One need only look at the O.J. Simpson case to see how money was able to buy the best defense lawyers in the business and get an acquittal.  A white man who killed two people who couldn't afford Johnnie Cochran would probably be languishing in prison for the rest of his life.

There is able-bodied privilege.  People without a disability don't have to think twice about access to buildings.  They can move freely everywhere without having to plan in advance.  They can travel anywhere without having to make arrangements.  There are so many things that people with disabilities have to think about just to attend a public event that able-bodied people are completely oblivious to.  That's privilege.

Then there is heterosexual privilege.  Straight people don't have to worry about whether their sexual orientation will open them up for discrimination in the workplace.  Even though it is illegal to discriminate against LGBT people, many LGBT people still do not feel safe coming out of the closet for fear of being passed up for promotion or choice job opportunities.

And then there is male privilege.  Many women have experienced disparate treatment in their workplace because of their gender.  I still see all the time in the media how men interrupt women and talk over them as if somehow their voices are more important.

But getting back to white privilege.  Yes, there is such a thing in this country.  But we need to compare like with like.  For example, there was a recent case in which a white Stanford swimmer, Brock Turner, was convicted of three counts of rape.  The judge only sentenced him to six months in a county jail even though the prosecutors asked for six years in prison.  Yet this same judge sentenced a Salvadorean immigrant charged with rape to three years in a plea deal.  Brian Banks, an African-American football player, spent five years in prison for a rape he did not commit.

Statistics have shown that although blacks and whites use marijuana at the same rate, blacks are much more likely to be arrested for marijuana possession.  In fact, marijuana possession makes up nearly half of total drug arrests:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2013/06/04/the-blackwhite-marijuana-arrest-gap-in-nine-charts/

I challenge you to look around.  Look around a grocery store.  Look at magazine covers.  Look at greeting cards.  Look at billboards.  Watch TV.  What images do you see?  Are they predominantly white faces?  How many Asian faces do you see?  How many Black faces do you see?  How many Latino faces do you see?  How many Native American faces do you see?   Try to imagine yourself one of the above races.  Do you see yourself represented on a daily basis anywhere?

Privilege is often times being oblivious to the privilege you have.  Acknowledging white privilege is not about feeling guilty.  It's about addressing a system which has advantaged a group of people over another group of people for hundreds of years and continues to do so.  I know for a fact that there are people who acknowledge that heterosexual privilege exists, and that they even speak out on it, yet still struggle with the notion of white privilege.   Why is that?  Why can they see that straight people benefit from advantages that LGBT people don't, yet can't acknowledge that white people benefit from advantages that people of color don't?  There are studies that support this, yet somehow the knee-jerk reaction is to simply become defensive or silent.  I don't think there is anyone that would argue that being in the upper-class doesn't provide privileges that low-income people don't  have.  Yet when it comes to skin color privilege, people seem to have blinders on despite the preponderance of evidence that proves otherwise.

Talking about race and racism is something that is so difficult to talk about, and people tend to either NOT want to talk about it, get defensive about it, or get angry about it.  I am fortunate enough this quarter to have a cohort of students who, although admittedly are new to these types of conversations, are very open to learning about the issues and how they impact their future careers as teachers of diverse classrooms.

The Rise of Donald Trump: The Natural Result of Decades of Republican Racist Politics

We are living in scary times.  Back in 2008, I remember the unbridled joy with which much of America celebrated the election of Barack Obama, our first African-American president.  Tom and I went to Seattle and people were literally dancing and drumming in the streets.  People were hugging and the people all around us were so thrilled at this historic event.

But it didn't come easy.  The whole campaign was marred with racist innuendos.  Obama was accused of being Muslim (not that anything was wrong with being Muslim, but the accusation was meant as an insult).  He was accused of associating with terrorists.  His citizenship was called into question.  He was simultaneously accused of being "uppity" and mocked for being a "community organizer".  He received death threats while campaigning.  Michelle was compared to a gorilla.  The whole thing was extremely ugly.  Yet not only did Obama prevail and win, he won by a landslide.

While many of us celebrated, there were those who were really angry.  For white voters, particular those who weren't cosmopolitan or comfortable with diversity, Obama's election was a shock. "When coupled with the broad decline in incomes and living standards caused by the Great Recession, it seemed to signal the end of a hierarchy that had always placed white Americans at the top, delivering status even when it even when it couldn't give material benefits," writes Jamelle Bouie in Slate.com.

That night I read hateful things on my Facebook news feed.  One person said, "I think I'm going to vomit."  The next evening at soccer practice, one of my daughter's teammates stated, "We're going to die," presumably because Obama had been elected.  She was 10 at the time--I'm sure she was repeating what her parents had said.

Throughout President Obama's tenure, he has been treated with such disrespect.  From a Congressman yelling "You lie!" during his State of the Union address, to the Trump birther accusations, to the Republican obstructionism, Republicans have tried their hardest to delegitimize him.  Their latest ploy is their threat to block his Supreme Court nominee.  However, the majority of Americans feel this is the wrong thing to do, and that the highest court in the land should not go with only 8 justices for a year.

During all of this, moderate Republicans stayed silent.  Those who might have spoken out against this abhorrent behavior did not.  Many in fact engaged in this behavior as a wink and a nod to their constitutents.  How many Republicans were caught using racist language, or were found to be members of organizations that were known to have connections to white nationalist groups?

However, it was an unspoken rule that being openly racist was unacceptable.  However, Trump apparently feels he doesn't have to play by the same rules as everyone else.  He seems to not have any shame or embarrassment about saying things that most civilized people wouldn't say. He knows what these mostly white, mostly working class, mostly non-college-educated supporters are angry about and he manipulates these people and their anger by tapping into it and fanning the flames.  He doesn't provide answers--he just ratchets up the anger.  So now, these people somehow feel emboldened to wear their racism, xenophobia and bigotry proudly for the world to see.  It's frightening.

At one rally, a white man sucker-punched a young African-American man.  He was subsequently arrested for assault.  The violence visited upon protesters has continued to escalate.  In Chicago, people decided enough was enough and thousands of protesters showed up at the Trump rally, forcing Trump to cancel it.  It was interesting to note, however, that the Trump people had scheduled the rally to take place at the University of Illinois in Chicago, a campus that is 25% Latino, 25% Asian and 10% African-American.  Looks like he WANTED there to be violence.  Why else would he hold it there?  Trump is an attention whore--to him, media coverage is a good thing, regardless if it's good or bad.

So when Trump doesn't win the presidency, what's going to happen to all of these people who support Trump?  They've been very open now about their racism, their xenophobia.  Are they ever going to learn that they can't live in the 21st century hating everyone that doesn't look like them?  It' not going to work.